Oh What Fun it is to Ride
Why, for the love of God why, do my boys find it necessary to up the volume on their voices immediately upon entering the car? They can be sitting right next to one another, so close that their tushies touch and elbows bump (which causes heated "personal space" debates, but that's a story for another time), and still not trust the acoustics in the car. Apparently they subscribe to the "louder is better philosophy" of motor vehicle passengership.
After exhaustive (or maybe that should read exhausting) research and observation, I seem to have stumbled upon the Super Secret Jost Boys Code of Conduct For Riding in the Car. Note that there are several varieties of mischief to account for the individual skills of each boy. Teamwork, I tell you!
1. When in doubt, shout.
2. When your family stops for a meal on the road, drink until your bladder won't hold another drop. When your parents make you go potty before getting back on the road, only eliminate one-third of the contents.
3. As soon as the car has successfully merged onto the freeway, loudly (of course!) and urgently declare your need to pee.
4. If you find the scenery not to your liking, let your parents know every quarter mile. See how many syllables you can stretch the word "Boring" into.
5. If your brother touches you, looks at you, sings along to the radio, farts, burps, blinks, breathes, or in any way enters your awareness tell him exactly what you think of him and his antics. Accept no excuses, whatever he did was clearly with malicious intent.
6. When you notice your brother's interest in the drive and the scenery waning do one or more of the following: poke him, make faces, sing loudly to the radio, fart, burp, laugh maniacally, etc.
7. Inform your parents of each and every infraction your brother commits. Go into excruciating detail. Repeat as necessary.
8. If another passenger requests a change in the temperature inside the car, complain about it and request the exact opposite.
9. Prior to the car trip, make a list of every possible name for every possible bodily function, and recite them numerous times throughout the trip. Compose a song about them, and teach it to your brothers. Laugh uncontrollably until you have to pee.
10. And the old classic: "Are we there yet?" Increase the frequency of asking in direct proportion to the increase in frustration of your parent. If your parent is stupid enough to give you an estimated time of arrival, allow for absolutely no margin of error.
Road trip anyone?
After exhaustive (or maybe that should read exhausting) research and observation, I seem to have stumbled upon the Super Secret Jost Boys Code of Conduct For Riding in the Car. Note that there are several varieties of mischief to account for the individual skills of each boy. Teamwork, I tell you!
1. When in doubt, shout.
2. When your family stops for a meal on the road, drink until your bladder won't hold another drop. When your parents make you go potty before getting back on the road, only eliminate one-third of the contents.
3. As soon as the car has successfully merged onto the freeway, loudly (of course!) and urgently declare your need to pee.
4. If you find the scenery not to your liking, let your parents know every quarter mile. See how many syllables you can stretch the word "Boring" into.
5. If your brother touches you, looks at you, sings along to the radio, farts, burps, blinks, breathes, or in any way enters your awareness tell him exactly what you think of him and his antics. Accept no excuses, whatever he did was clearly with malicious intent.
6. When you notice your brother's interest in the drive and the scenery waning do one or more of the following: poke him, make faces, sing loudly to the radio, fart, burp, laugh maniacally, etc.
7. Inform your parents of each and every infraction your brother commits. Go into excruciating detail. Repeat as necessary.
8. If another passenger requests a change in the temperature inside the car, complain about it and request the exact opposite.
9. Prior to the car trip, make a list of every possible name for every possible bodily function, and recite them numerous times throughout the trip. Compose a song about them, and teach it to your brothers. Laugh uncontrollably until you have to pee.
10. And the old classic: "Are we there yet?" Increase the frequency of asking in direct proportion to the increase in frustration of your parent. If your parent is stupid enough to give you an estimated time of arrival, allow for absolutely no margin of error.
Road trip anyone?
posted by Jenn at 8:01 PM
2 Comments:
After reading your comments about riding in the car, it brought me back to the old days when we traveled with JMJ, JMJ, JMJ and JMJ when they were little. You said it so well...beautiful, funny story.
Oh, this story is so true! But not in MY family... questions like "are we there yet?" bring about an increase in the radio volume... before you know it, you won't hear a thing from the back seat!
Post a Comment
<< Home